Life with a new baby; Sarah"s experience of Post Natal Depression (Newlsetter #3, 2003)

My first experience of PND lasted for a "brief" eight weeks of intense terror and depression.  In order to somehow explain my feelings, I described it as "being buried alive in a coffin" and waking up day after day feeling the despair, the loneliness, the dread, the fear and the powerlessness associated with the reality that that experience would bring.

My second experience began when my baby was three months old and was not as intense or constant but lasted for the first year.  I managed it with homoeopathy and Bach Flower remedies.  My third lasted from week one to week five of my baby"s life.  I worked hard with my counsellor and support people to deal with the relevant issues, and also used homoeopathy, cranial osteopathy and Bach Flower remedies.

Statistically, Post Natal Depression (PND) worsens each pregnancy or baby but in my experience with three children, my PND has been less severe each time.  I strongly believe that this is due to the support of complementary therapies (homoeopathy, Bach flower remedies and cranial osteopathy) and some deeply insightful counselling which allowed me to recognise and deal with issues from my early life that were subconsciously affecting my emotional health.

My counsellor (David Riddell) pointed out some startling facts:

• Every emotion has a biochemical base.  The post-natal hormones are only invoking certain memories/brain cells that stimulate the same emotional response associated with the memory.  So I could tell myself, "If I feel like this (absolutely dreadful) in the morning (my worst time) it is merely biochemical and my kidneys will soon clean it out - so I drank lots of water throughout the night.
  
• My anxiety/panic attacks were in part due to a high level of adrenalin.  I somehow needed to avoid the vicious cycle of panic attacks-high adrenalin-more panic attacks . . . .  I did this by having strong positive messages to speak to myself regarding the reality of the situation.  This was important so that I could short-circuit the adrenalin-panic attack cycle.  The kind of message I spoke to myself was, "That was then, this is now - I know where that dreadful feeling comes from - , or "Babies don"t mean catastrophe/calamity/impending disaster (my early childhood experience); nothing terrible is going to happen."

When I share my experiences of PND with others who have also been through it, I find that while I clearly remember the way I felt, the pain has gone because I have dealt with the real issues that underpinned it.  I am saddened to talk with mothers who are still tearful and hurting from their experiences although they may even have adult children.

I find it enormously empowering that not only have I learnt how to care for and nurture my precious babies but I have dealt with these powerful issues from my past and have grown and developed personally through my PND journey.  I have had the chance, while these feelings are so close to the surface of my consciousness, to heal myself and be a happier, healthier, more centred person because of this experience.

Sarah - mother of three aged 7, 3 1/2 and 8 months